Friday, 30 July 2010

Finding inner peace

This is about my inner turmoils.

Having a severe illness can be crippling, not to mention ruining your days. Imagine if this lasted weeks or even months. An illness you never had before that you don't even know was there. An illness that causes you unecessary problems with everyday life, making you unable to eat or sleep.

I had such an illness but it's classed as one umbrella. It's regarded as "silly" or just downright self pitying but it's far worse and for each woman it can be different, as it depends on who she is and how well she can cope. I could not cope with it.

The illness is called Post Natal Depression or PND. I did not have depression but I suffered the consequences of hormone imbalance. Some women prefer to call it "Baby Blues" where women find themselves feeling sad and weepy. However, I wasn't feeling sad, tearful or depressed. I wouldn't regard it as a Baby Blues syndrome or even a post natal depression but this is the phase I had it and this is what the umbrella illness is called. It's misleading. A lot of women that have it are depressed though but some are not suffering depression, they feel okay but they become ill in other ways. It's just that PND is the tag fixed to the hormonial imbalance. It should be called Post Natal Illness or PNI.

I had a post natal type of illness. PNI is also branched off with different names. What I had was PNI and Post Natal Psychosis or "puerperal psychosis". When I looked into this a year after recovery, I found to my shock how I could identify with what other women suffered having puerperal psychosis.

I will not enter a discussion about my personal experience as it was awful and will take so much time to talk about and also I don't want to think too heavily about it. This is quite a "rare" illness or is it?

Puerperal Psychosis

The illness resulted in throwing me into complete discord. I found myself out of balance, no settlement and no peace. I was constantly wondeirng about what was going on during my illness and also angry with the reaction I received from people who are supposed to care. Today some women who suffer PND are treated almost like criminals and there is little info on this. Being a mother is wonderful and a new stage in life but no one ever warned me that I could get an illness like puerperal psychosis. The illness can cripple a woman mentally and psychologically if not treated quickly. I started going without food, not realising I was hungry and lost track of time. I felt different in the world but also vulnerable and half-asleep or basically I was not all there.  

It might be worth considering that this is also not entirely an illness but could be regarded as one of women's mysteries, and some of these women are without guidance or sympathetic helpers to assist them on a path to an inner health. Instead women are thrown into wards and given medicines like seroquel and bracketed by others around them as a "nutcase". Some PNI experiences are almost paranormal but it doesn't mean that it is. I believe women suffering that illness are open to all kinds of negative forces and will need protection or to retain their own identity so they would be safe from (or as they imagine) deterioration. Also negative entities may be attracted to a woman suffering PND, especially if she dabbles in the occult without prior knowledge or assistance.

It has been said the illness returns again after another pregnancy but some women can be helped to prevent it from happening again.This can be through a doctor or a registered CPN (community psychiatric nurse). The medical profession are still trying to understand PND and what actually causes it, why, and why most women on the grand scale don't have it, and why others do and why some types and degrees. Doctors have a lot to look for if PNI is really a complex and deep subject, far more deeper than usual human brain activity. What if it is not just a mind imbalance but an impact of the sensitive woman's mind caused by something going on outside?

There is very little info on helping women suffering PND via spiritual groups. There aren't any mystic gurus and witches that have really said anything about it and if there are, do they help women? As a Heathen I found no comfort from those around me who are pagans themselves (they were not sympathetic) but eventually I found help came in an unusual way and this enhanced me in mind and spirit after recovery. I may discuss my illness another time. For now though I posted a couple of links in case you or someone you know might have PND.

I give my thanks to those who helped me (you know who you are).

1 comment:

  1. One of the hardest things to do in finding inner peace is to learn to accept things as they are. Once you are able to accomplish that you can start to move forward.